Learning To Forgive

Forgiveness is something everyone on this earth can relate to. Whether you are forgiving that boyfriend who hurt you, girlfriend who broke you down with her words, daddy who wasn't there, or mother who wasn't emotionally involved...hell, even the dog that chewed up your shoes, forgiveness is a part of life. When forgiving someone, you have to acknowledge the action, or actions, that put you on the defense. I've had to forgive plenty of people in my life, including myself. I had to release the need to harvest any negative emotions. My feelings were valid, and I am allowed to feel pain, but I don't have to be overcome by it. 

One thing I am constantly managing is my ego, and the need to let others know when they are wrong (even when most likely they are). This especially is the case for my thoughts on parenting. Being a single mom wasn't the plan, however I rose to the challenge because quite honestly I had no other option. This is a new experience for me, which includes some highs and some lows.  What pulls me through is hearing my daughters laughter, and realizing that feeling of anger was momentary. I have to bring myself to a level of consciousness and change my thoughts to reflect a peaceful and harmonious state of being.

Think about the ocean. The crashing of waves against the currents flow freely when it reaches the shore. This is how feelings work. Anger is like a violent tide disrupting the environment (inner-self). When the storm subsides, the calm ripples appear allowing things to pass through with ease. During this state you're able to think clearer, which allows you to express without the need to hurt another. This does not mean you can't speak your truth or acknowledge how you feel; in fact do that. But during this time, your platform is solid and it's not a game of win or lose…just releasing what was. Forgiveness is so powerful. It is so needed. I'm always working to forgive, and to trust the process. It's not easy. In fact, it could be downright hard. You have to release the need to fight emotions, to let them be. Just don't allow them to leave you bitter and acting out of rage. My new tool for combating negative thoughts is talking them out, even to myself, and then writing my feelings out. I write my thoughts down using the 5 Ws (Who, What, When, Where, and Why). Maybe it's the journalist in me, but describing my feelings in full detail allows me to pinpoint anger and my trigger point. This also helps me express my feelings to others in a cool productive way. 

Forgiveness is not a universal cure for making all situations better. However, it can allow you to heal wounds by accepting your feelings, acknowledging the issue and releasing it. These are the character defining moments where you decide to not allow peoples actions to manipulate your feelings. Release the need to stay in your ego to get your resolve. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person; it is about you and your willingness to let go. Sometimes others don't know the ramifications of their actions because they aren't connected to anyone other than themselves. Holding a grudge will only keep you back from having a breakthrough. You have the power to be the bigger person, always.

 

@ayanaiman

Ayana Gibbs4 Comments